Sexuality after perinatal grief
Recently, the psychologist of the Women's Unit of the Ruber International Hospital, Elena de Iracheta, and the gynecologist Dr. Isabel Rodríguez-Piñero, have performed a live show through the Instagram account of the Women's Unit, in which they talked about perinatal grief and, specifically, about the sexuality after perinatal griefA complicated topic, rarely discussed, but very necessary.
In this article we collect some of the recommendations and clarifications of Elena Iracheta, although we invite you to watch the full video again on our account. Instagram.
What is perinatal grief?
It is the duel that one goes through with anyone unborn child, from the moment of conception. The moment a woman is told about a miscarriage, her own grieving process begins. It doesn't matter what week the miscarriage occurs, or whether the fetuses are cross-sex.
Grieving for miscarriages isn't any more difficult, but it can have other implications, or we believe it does. For example, there are women who suffer repeated miscarriages in the first trimester and suffer their miscarriages in silence because people tend to mistakenly downplay their importance.
Perinatal grief is a loss, it is a grief as such., the excitement, how you approach that pregnancy, the couple's excitement... And it can be accompanied by other implications, such as the woman's age, if you haven't had any other children, if there are repeated miscarriages...
Why is it a taboo subject?
Any topic that has to do with death is, at least, not being a society in which pain is usually shownWhen we have to talk about loss, we're not used to it. We don't find it easy to normalize death, so in the case of perinatal grief, we tend to downplay it, especially if the patient is handling it well. We often try to hide the suffering, and this, in the end, is a mistake. A mistake that comes from society, but it can also occur from the perspective of healthcare professionals, who can sometimes normalize it with phrases like "don't worry," "nothing's wrong," etc., which can ultimately lead to women not talking about it, not sharing it.
What advice could be given to society regarding perinatal grief?
Something important is avoid all those clichés It's said when you don't know what to say: "It's okay," "You'll stay," "But you were only expecting so little...", "But you already have two more...". The woman is suffering, and she has to suffer, because that's what grief is all about: suffering in order to heal. If you don't suffer it and ignore it, at another time and under other circumstances it will end up coming back.
How can it affect sexuality?
When you are grieving, in general, the normal reactions are to be sad, not to feel like listening to music, eating your favorite dish... That is, we avoid everything that makes us happyThat's why, during the most acute phase of grief, sexual relations are put aside, because it's something that satisfies us, gives us pleasure, and when we're grieving, what we don't want is to feel pleasure. We won't accept anything that gives us satisfaction.
Then, as weeks or months go by (the time depends on each person), the normal thing is gradually recover certain activities that we used to enjoy, we resume those little hobbies, and sexual relations become appealing again.
In our society, grief is very defined. Grief is grief, sadness, being locked up at home, not living a normal life… Sexual relations are seen as something positive, and that causes them to remain stagnant.
Furthermore, when the perinatal grief is more advanced, in the second and third trimester, the loss is more present and, therefore, sexual relations are more affectedAnd, in fact, another factor is incorporated, and that is relating intercourse with reproduction.
It's also important to keep in mind that, after a late-term loss, there's a postpartum period, with its emotional and physical changes. All of this, combined with perinatal grief, clearly explains why sexual relations are put aside, and this must be normalized.
What advice can be given to women and couples?
It all depends on the individual. When a patient becomes so focused on their pain that they can't return to their normal life, work, or leave the house... therapy is the best way to go. He is gradually helped to emerge from his pain and to recover his life., and, with it, to recover your relationshipAt this point, it's important to emphasize something important regarding sexual relationships: sex isn't just about intercourse. There are many other things, and within a couple, there may be a connection that doesn't translate into a relationship with intercourse, but does in other ways. And, again, this needs to be normalized.
In perinatal grief, It is normal for both of them to come to the consultation, since both are going through that grieving process. In it, we explore the closeness between the couple, and as we progress, the desire and urge to have sex resurfaces.
Here we also come to another point that is important and sometimes forgotten, and that is that Man also suffers perinatal grief, although it's something that's actually very little studied. They often carry the burden, but they're carrying a great deal of suffering hidden behind it. It's a loss for both of them.
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If you found this article interesting and would like to be seen by a professional expert in psychology, the Women's Unit at Ruber International Hospital has a specialized unit in this area. You can request more information by calling 917303673. make an appointment for an in-person consultation Or make an appointment for an online consultation if you prefer remote consultations—always with the best specialists.